


I'm Sorry, I've Always Loved You

by Lindahyo



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-08 00:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16418963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindahyo/pseuds/Lindahyo
Summary: AU. Gilbert and Roderich has been friends for years, they grew up together. After a night of passion, Roderich suddenly fled overseas. Can Gilbert cope with the lost and move on? A PruAus fic with a side dish of PruCan.





	1. Chapter 1

"Nghh, Gilbert~" Roderich moaned as he buried a hard shaft deep inside of himself.

Gilbert, the owner of the name and said penis is currently situated beneath Roderich, has taken a more relaxed position. He was flat on his back, his hands on each sides of the other's waist mainly to steady the pace, eyes closed and mouth agape.

Whereas the one doing all the work is riding the other with much vigour to bring both of them to a stage of pure bliss. Roderich had his eyes closed, teeth clenched, eyebrows drawn together in a slight frown, both his hands are on Gilbert's thigh as he is on a reversed 'Cowgirl position'.

Roderich kept his pace, going up and down as fast as he can because 1: he is tired, so the faster they reach completion the sooner he can rest and 2: he was going to come.

"Oh Gott, Roddy. You are so fucking tight." Gilbert said through clenched teeth. He didn't think he can last any longer especially with the way Roderich rode him like his dick is the best ride in the whole fucking world, the lustful gasp and moans that came out from his gorgeous lips and also not forgetting how Roderich seems to clench himself around Gilbert very so often.

Everything was driving Gilbert wild!

"Ahh…so….good.."

After a few more thrust, Roderich came, clenching on Gilbert so hard that he too came into the condom that Roderich put on for him while Roderich shot his seeds everywhere on the floor, the bed and also a little on Gilbert's legs.

Both of them didn't even move, Roderich didn't mount off Gilbert nor did he take Gilbert out of himself, he just stayed in the same position while basking in the afterglow of sex.

Once Roderich has come down from his high, he slowly stood up, wincing a little at the soreness of his butt. He turned to see the peaceful, handsome face of Gilbert, snoring away.

Feeling responsible, he removed the condom off of Gilbert and threw it away.

"Hmm, Roddy? What are you doing?" Seeing as the move woke Gilbert up, Roderich just gave him a soft smile. "Nothing, just go back to sleep. I'll clean you off." And with that, he went in to the bathroom to get a clean towel, he dampened the towel and went back to Gilbert.

Roderich refrain himself from sitting on the bed, afraid that he might get too comfortable and fell asleep next to Gilbert. So by standing at the end of the bed, he started cleaning Gilbert's bare body, starting from the legs, where there was some cum there.

When he was done, he searched around for Gilbert's boxers and helped him with it. Listening to Gilbert's snores of content, he smiled and he made his way to the bathroom to clean himself off.

Minutes later, he got and started to get dressed, mindful to be quiet so as to not wake Gilbert up. He took out his wallet, fork out 500bucks and stash it in on of Gilbert's pants pocket.

Before heading out, he made sure that he got everything he came with, with an exception of the 500 bill he placed in Gilbert's pocket.

Grabbing the door knob firmly, he turned and looked at Gilbert for the last time. "Thank you for everything Gilbert." Without any second thoughts, he was out of the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Seeing someone approaching from the elevator, the receptionist stood up, not willingly of course.

"Yes sir, how may I help you?" Asked the receptionist.

"Why, yes actually. I believe when we checked in, its not you who helped us with it right? Anyway I would like to pay for the room now."

"Do you mean check out?"

"No, my roommate is asleep and I wish to settle the bills now because I believe my roommate do not have this kind of money. So please maybe can you just check by my name, Roderich Edelstein."

As the girl started to type away, Roderich use the time to call up a cab to save his energy of waving and walking around to find a decent cab.

"Mr Roderich Edelstein, check in for 2 at 2348 hours. Am I right?" The brunette asked while staring at the computer screen.

"Yes, more or less. How much will it cost?"

"In the system, it says $359."

Not really bothering with the amount, he quickly fish out his wallet and pass her his credit card. Once the payment has been settled, he collected his card and bid the girl goodbye. When his cab arrived, he quickly got in and soon enough cab drove off to Roderich's destination.


	2. Chapter 2

Light from the sun was silently streaming through the slightly ajar curtains of the hotel window, gracing Gilbert's fine yet pale features with it's warm rays. For a rowdy, loud, awesome person like Gilbert, he is actually a morning person. He rises with the sun but doesn't necessarily rest when the sun's time is up for the day. Meaning that even with as little as 7 hours of sleep, Gilbert still has the energy to go on for hours and hours without rest. He is just that full of life.

Knowing full well that that the sun is up, Gilbert refused to get up. Instead, he opted to just lay in bed for the rest of the day with his best friend. At the thought of their 'awesome' night together, he smiled contently. Being on the far right side of the bed and facing the window, Gilbert wasn't able to see his buddy. However due to the stillness of the bed, he deemed that Roderich was still fast asleep.

The longer he kept pretending to be asleep, the more curious he got regarding last night's activity. ' _Did it even hurt him? I wonder if it hurts like hell, I mean come on, it gotta hurt, right?_ ' Pondered Gilbert, he knows that he should maybe asked, to see if Roderich was okay. Especially with the pace that the other set last night, it must have hurt. Knowing full well that Roderich is a light sleeper, he began to form his sentence. "Mornin' Roddy, you alright there buddy?"

The reason why Gilbert was so curious was not because he was a virgin before the night itself. It was just that he was a virgin when it came to homosexual anal sex. Not that he was on the receiving end of said anal sex, but then again it was his first time sleeping with another dude. Gilbert has always considered himself as been straight, always going for the tits and the V(s). The mere thought of sleeping, much less fucking another dude has never crossed his mind. Hell, he has never found another male attractive or cute other than himself, obviously.

Instead of getting an answer from Roderich, all he got was silence. Usually it didn't take long for other to answer him. Even if it's not a vernal answer, Roderich would have grunted or at least let out some weird noise of acknowledgement. But all Gilbert got back was nothing. The more he thought about it, the clearer it became. There was no soft breathing, no rustling of bed sheet, nothing. Granted there wasn't any movement on the bed.

Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, he quickly sat up and scanned the whole area. There was no sign of Roderich, he is not on the bed, floor nor is he in the washroom, as the washroom's door was ajar and even Gilbert knows that Roderich is too much of a prude to relief himself without closing the door even after their little tryst from the night before. Looking back at the floor, Gilbert realised that Roderich's clothes is gone to. Feeling a wave of nausea coming over him, Gilbert laid back down. Trying his damn hardest to come up with a reason as to why Roderich would have left without him.

' _He couldn't have gone to school, it's a Saturday, Roddy got no extracurricular activities on weekends. Could it be that he has something on and maybe forgot to tell him about it. Urgh, this is frustrating, my first night with a guy, my best friend no less and then he just up and left, without consoling me. Shit._ ' Gilbert mused to himself. ' _He is so gonna get an earful from me. Just watch out specs_.'

With that final thought, Gilbert rolled himself out of bed and went to get cleaned up. After a good 15 minutes and the Albino was out, drying himself off before putting on his clothes. When he deemed himself ready to be in public, he checked around the place one last time. Collecting whatever item he came with the night before.

Making his way to the door while checking his pockets to see if his cellphone and wallet was present, he found something else in the left pocket. Digging whatever it was out, his eyes widen at the money that magically manifested into his jeans pocket. Smiling at the notes, he made a mental note to thank Roddy for the money, cause well, he doesn't have the money to pay for the hotel room.

Stuffing the notes back into his pocket, he grabbed the doorknob, opens the door and made his way to the elevator.

 

* * *

 

The lobby of the hotel is plain, simple wallpaper, simple carpeted flooring, furniture and of course, the front desk. Making a bee line for the front desk, Gilbert eyed the receptionist up and down. Said receptionist was busy reading some woman's magazine while twirling his hair. Despite the fact that the receptionist looked like a girl with shoulder length blond hair and emerald/green eyes, wearing a blouse with a nametag, his name totally give it off, I mean come on, what girl has a name like Feliks?

"Hi, I would like to check out please." Gilbert said while making intense eye-contact with Feliks. The blond gave an exasperated sigh, placed down his magazine and started to type away.

"Like, can I have your name please?" Feliks stared dully back at Gilbert. Feeling awkward, Gilbert gave him a quirky smile and replied. "Gilbert Beilshmidt."

The blond then looked at Gilbert as if he was crazy. After a moment of awkward staring, the blond started. "Like, how do I spell your name? Is it like a **G-I-L-B-I-R-D** or a **G-I-L-B-E-R-T** or some other way that I might not know of?"

Feeling his face flushing, he quickly replied. "Oh, sorry. It's a **G-I-L-B-E-R-T** and the last name is a **B-E-I-L-S-H-M-I-D-T**."

Feliks began typing away, on the keyboard and frantically clicking the mouse. "OMG, like there's no record or reservation under your name. "Said Feliks, eyeing the monitor suspiciously. "Hmm, maybe like you reserved it under another person's name or something?" Feliks added with a thoughtful look on his face and nodding his head just to give a touch of the all knowing effect.

Gilbert nearly face palmed at his own stupidity. ' _Of course there was no reservation, it was Roderich who checked in for us. Wow Gilbert, for someone so superbly awesome, you are kind of an idiot too huh?_ ' He berated himself. Feliks, who saw how Gilbert was having a war with his inner-self, backed away from Gilbert, just in case anything unnecessary happens.

"Hey m-man, like cool down. I just need the name of the other person okay? No need to like become a Hulk or something." At that, Gilbert made eye-contact with the other, only the see the other cowering behind the chair. After seeing Feliks' reaction, a smug look made itself known on Gilbert's face.

"Try Roderich Edelstein. **R-O-D-E-R-I-C-H E-D-E-L-S-T-E-I-N**." The blond blinked rapidly at the sudden change of his guest's facial expressions as he struggled to type in the name that was spelled out for him. "Hmm, it seems like, you have like, checked out already or something and the bill has also been settled. It shows here that the checked out time was like at 0207 hours. The rate was $359."

With the new information was provided by the receptionist, Gilbert reeled back in aghast 'How could he have checked out first? Then what is the money all about?! Roderich Edelstein, I seriously don't understand you at all!'

Calming himself down, as he noticed Feliks was again, cowering behind his chair. 'Deep breaths Gilbert, let's not freak the blondie out'. "So it's all settled then, I don't need to do anything else right?" Gilbert slowly asked the wide eyed receptionist. "Nope, like everything is settled. Have a nice day ahead, Mr Belshmidt!" Feliks said with a bright smile upon his porcelain face, despite shaking with fear. Gilbert noticed the lacked of 'I' in his last name but he could care less and he didn't want to take more of Feliks time. Because right now, there is only one thing he needs to do and that is too confront Roderich.

"Thank you. You too Feliks and thanks for the help." Gilbert gave Feliks one of his most awesome smile and stalked off.

Once Gilbert was out of earshot, Feliks couldn't help but mumble to himself. "That guy is like so weird. I so need to call, Toris."

 

* * *

 

As Gilbert got out of the main entrance, he started digging into his pockets for his cellphone. Once he has it on his hand, he speed-dialled Roderich's number.

-I'm sorry the number that you have just dialed, is not in use. Please try again later-

'What the fuck?' He frowned at his phone and dialed manually, just in case his phone was having a glitch.

-I'm sorry the number that you have just dia-

' _Mein Gott! The fuck man! Now I'm super pissed off! Well whatever, if you wanna play that stupid avoiding game then two can play that game._ ' Gilbert mused loudly as he made his way to the nearest subway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation: Mein Gott = My God
> 
> Feliks or Toris won't be playing anymore parts in later chapters, I don't think. But who knows ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I just needed a Hetalia character that can pull off the receptionist attitude and I think Feliks did a good job, no?


	3. Chapter 3

It has been two days since Gilbert made the resolve that he won't be the first to call Roderich. To say that he was worried was an understatement, he was insanely tormented with the thought that something might have befallen his longest and closest buddy. He is well aware that Roderich is able to take care of himself, as he is obviously old enough. But he just unable to shake of the feeling that something bad might have happened to him.

Gilbert's finger twitched and his fingers ached to just grab hold of his phone and just call him. But his ego won't let him. He kept telling himself that if Roderich started it, he should be the one to end it. So he might as well wait. Craning his neck to check the smallish digital alarm clock on his bedside table, he let out a huff and slowly rolled of his bed and staggered to his shared washroom.

He let the warm water caress his head and cascade down his shoulders and to the rest of his body as he leaned nearer to the shower head. Gilbert closed his eyes, thinking about that one time when Roderich didn't contact him for 3 days only to find out that he was hospitalized because he tripped on the carpet of the stairs, rolled down the long flight of stairs and fractured his ankle.

They have been friends for years, ever since they were 5 years old. They have been inseparable since were neighbours in Germany, Gilbert being German and Roderich being Austrian but had moved to Germany. Ever since they were younger they always played, went to school and grew up together.

Both of them were merely 11 when Gilbert's parents got involved in a car accident and passed on. As Gilbert has a younger brother, Ludwig, who was 8 years old at the time of the accident, Roderich's family took them in, cared for them and loved them as their own. They migrated to America soon after to start afresh. But after years of being under the care of Roderich's parents, Gilbert finally got a part time job and with the money rented a small apartment, enough for both him and Ludwig downtown, where the apartments were cheaper. But Roderich's parents still felt the need to provide for them but understood Gilbert's need to want to be independent. So they settled by giving them monthly allowance, to ensure that they have enough to fend for themselves.

Gilbert and Ludwig are both very grateful to the Edelstein family as if not for them, they wouldn't be where they are now. Gilbert made a promise to pay them every single cent that they have spent on the both of them. He knows that they will reject his money but he will still keep on insisting on paying them back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter


	4. Chapter 4

Apparently the Edelstein family has disappeared from the very surface of the earth. Gilbert couldn't get in touch with them no matter how hard he tried. He tried asking around but the answers he got back are all the same. None were helpful, there was no leads as to where the Edelstein family could have gone to.

He was slowly losing his sanity. He wrecked his brain for any leaked information from Roderich before that fateful night. Any hints that might have entailed in them leaving the country. All he got was nothing.

There was never a period in his life where he had been separated from Roderich for more than 2 weeks and that itself, is eating his insides. He stopped attending school, he skipped his meals and even neglected his other friends. His job was the only thing that gets him out of the house for he knew that they needed the money and that he still has a brother to take care of. He was a mess.

* * *

Ludwig worries about his brother. Being the younger sibling, usually it is the job of the elder to worry and care for the younger however in this case, it is the other way around. He can see that his brother is steadily losing weight. Whenever he caught a glimpse of his brother whenever they were at home at the same time, it was clear as daylight that his brother was merely a hollow husk of the man he once knew. Gilbert wasn't the same exuberant person that he was before. He knows that Gilbert had stop attending school and is working full time now. For once, he is glad and thankful that his brother is still sane enough to prioritise about their living expenses but again, he can't help but worry.

He tried talking to him whenever he caught him at their house but every attempt was to no avail. He tried every possible way to get Gilbert to open up to him, but Gilbert just brush him away, as if he was just a big blond pest. The younger Beilshmidt had a hunch that the reason why his older brother is behaving this way is because of a specific Austrian brunette. He never really wanted to ponder on it too much because if he does so, he will no doubt have a negative feeling towards Roderich, who have been like another brother to him. He could never bring himself to hate Roderich or his parents, especially not after what they have done for and given them.

But sometimes, Ludwig can't help it. Whenever he found his thoughts drifting, the same words kept going through his mind; ' _if only he didn't evaporate to nothingness, none of this would have happen'_. He tried reasoning with himself, thinking of multiple reasons as to why not only Roderich but the whole family fled the country and leaving his brother in such a pathetic state. The longer he lingered on such thoughts, the angrier he got.

His one and only brother, his only family. Gilbert's life is breaching the end of no return and he can't even do anything about it.

* * *

"Bruder, come out and have lunch. Now." Ludwig commanded between the thick piece of wood that was apparently Gilbert's door. Frowning when there was no sign of movement heard, Ludwig knocked harder. "Bruder, open the door." Again, he was met with silence. Giving up, he let out a sigh from his nostril and made his way to the kitchen. ' _ **He will come out, eventually**_ '.

Opposite the door, Gilbert heard the knock, he heard his baby brother's words but yet, he chose to ignore it altogether. He hasn't been in contact with Roderich for over 2 months and he hated every second of it.

What angers him the most is that why would they leave without saying goodbye? How could the people that he had considered to be his family, just left him and his brother here? Granted, he wanted the freedom and he wanted to be independent. But this wasn't not what he had in mind. Even when him and his brother was staying elsewhere, they put in time and effort to visit the Edelsteins when they can. So how could they just left without saying anything to either of them?

Thinking back, Roderich never acted differently around Gilbert, so there wasn't any reason for him to be suspicious. Their one night of passion happened because Gilbert was curious about same-sex intercourse. Had been curious for a long time and since Roderich is playing for the other team, he thought that there wasn't anyone better to educate him about it. What he didn't expect was for Roderich to suggest that they give it a shot. When they had sex that particular night, he had noticed just how beautiful Roderich actually is.

From his point of view, he couldn't really see the brunette's face but he did manage to catch a glimpse of his face. His soft hair was all over the place, a portion of his fringe was matted with sweat, plastered to his forehead. His captivating violet eyes were half lidded as he was in ecstasy. His beautiful thin lips were slightly agape as he let out soft hushed moans and whimpers. He was just simply breathtaking.

He might not have admitted it to anyone but he has always been taken by Roderich's beauty. He knew that what he felt for Roderich was special. Before, he has never thought about being remotely sexual with another male but for him Roderich is different. He never liked the guys that Roderich found "attractive" he always ruled it out as being protective but he knows deep inside that he was jealous of the other males Roderich had eyes for.

He considers himself lucky to be able to see Roderich in such a way, proud even. He thought about asking Roderich out, seeing that they were having sex. Wanted to bring up the question the next morning.

But all is too late as the guy that he has feelings for is nowhere to be found.

**Author's Note:**

> Story was published at fanfiction.net 9th Oct 2011. Last chapter update there was in 2013. I couldn't bring myself to abandon this story. 
> 
> It has been years! But i need to finish what i started but then again, i'm not confident that i can get this done by 2018. Who knows, but i will try!


End file.
